what to do if you can't get your morning coffee*.

[*by coffee, i'm not referring to the poop-flavored/colored water they serve at starbucks.]

i was originally going to title this entry, "how to survive a day without coffee", but that's impossible. caffeine addiction is a serious ailment. i would know, i have it. inspired by CH's how-to lists, i've decided to compile this emergency guide for the caffeine deprived. this one for the slightly less addicted that don't want to turn into meth addicts - but hey, whatever works right?

1. go back to bed.
2. if this isn't possible, ponder the repercussions of unemployment. no one should be around the caffeine-deprived/me until i've.. i mean the deprived been caffeinated. i kind of resemble a feral ceramic garden gnome in the morning - violent, uncompromising, immobile, hunched over.. (ok, i know what you're thinking, but more so than usual)
3. if you feel like keeping your job, go to work and google gruesome crime scene photos and i'm not taking about that g-rated CSI shit. or if that doesn't float your boat, "how to appear awake while napping" (e.g. propping up your head with your palm while moving your mouse around simultaneously)
4. if you do not have the coordination to accomplish the latter, sneak power naps in the bathroom and blame yesterday's late night taco bell run (88% beef?? yeah right!)
5. if you're not that shameless, try to bribe your co-workers to do your work for you with cash or cookies (both are equally valuable in my eyes)
6. if all of your co-workers are goody-two-shoes/bitches, use your withdrawal symptoms, which should have manifested by now, as an excuse to get out of work early. these should include tremors, bloodshot eyes, dizziness, general malaise.. addiction is real people! you will look and feel like shit.
7. if your manager still won't let you go, leave anyway because your manager is a shithead, and you shouldn't be working for them anyway!
8. if you can leave, go home and back to bed immediately, but not before watching an episode of intervention to remind yourself that your life is not that bad.



sulawesi chemex at ground support. for myself. at 3pm.